Unlikely Heroes

It’s pretty easy to spot a hero.  They tend to be covered in bright, primary colors.  Sometimes an easily identifiable logo or trademark will emblazon their flanks.  They almost always flaunt enhanced strength through conspicuous bulges in their costumes.  And, a hero's face is usually hidden behind a mask in order to protect their identity from villains.  

Of course, I’m talking about race cars, not Captain America.  I can understand your confusion, however.  Many of the same things that differentiate race cars from regular cars also apply to super heroes.  They are stronger, faster, more agile, and much more stylish than their showroom counterparts.  Super heroes usually possess special powers, or at least really neat gadgets.  They are just people underneath, but circumstance and personal attributes conspire to push these normal people beyond typical behavior.  Race cars are much the same.  While they may be based on production cars, they represent the pinnacle of automotive development, lovingly hand constructed from advanced materials, eschewing any consideration beyond speed.  Race cars are cool.  Period.  But if that’s so, then what the hell were these people thinking?

1. VW, instead of campaigning the excellent GTI in Global Rally Cross, uses the Beetle.  Back in the day, the Beetle was a credible desert racer with its air cooled rear engine design.  In fact, the original Beetle was the genesis for all buggies.  The current Beetle, however, is not a credible racer of any kind.  It is a styling exercise based on the Golf platform.  But since the GTI needs no help leaving the showroom, VW forces us to watch new Beetles bounce around race tracks all over the world.  VW can not get anybody with mismatched chromosomes to look at a Beetle, even if it is a race car of some kind.

2. Back in the glory days of the British Touring Car Championship (the Brit’s version of NASCAR) Volvo was known an also ran.  Never truly competitive, the big heavy box sedans did little to bolster Volvo’s street cred.  That is until the 850 Wagon entered the picture.  Over there wagons are called Estates and for good reason.  The Volvo 850 wagons were about the same size and mass as a decent little house.  Clearly, then, the wrong choice for a race car.  Despite this, Tom Walkinshaw Racing somehow transformed these rolling storage sheds into reasonably competitive race cars.  Not the fastest thing on the track, but usually the most entertaining.  The obviously unfavorable center of gravity resulting in many two wheeled escapades.  The point was to bring attention to Volvo, and it worked brilliantly.  They managed to win races, despite the stuffed collie in the back.  Seriously.

3. The Volvo race car was just a modified production car, and ignoring the obvious engineering prowess required to make that thing fast, it is somewhat unique.  The simple fact that Toyota Camrys can be found circling Daytona at 200 MPH is definitive proof that most race cars are in no way related to production cars.  Still, it would make sense to base a race car on something analogous to the intended purpose.  For instance, it seems pointless to make a monster truck from a Prius.  So if you were a movie star intending to race at Baja, you would probably not use an Oldsmobile sedan.  But that is exactly what James Garner did.  Of course, it is not really an Oldsmobile, it is a race car slightly resembling an Oldsmobile.  But my god, it is cool.

4. Off road racing has produced many unexpected vehicles.  The historical Dakar rally was so long that the race cars required teams of support trucks to follow the course to keep the cars running the whole race.  Obviously, the support teams raced each other as they went, so somebody had the utterly brilliant idea of making the trucks legitimate race cars themselves.  Surprisingly unmodified, these behemoths bash their way through the desert at shocking speeds.  There is nothing quite like seeing a ten ton, one thousand horsepower box on wheels flying through the air. 

5. Back in the 1970’s AMC was trying to survive.  To counter the Asian invasion, AMC answered the question nobody was asking with the innovative Pacer.  Calling it innovative may be a little optimistic.  The bizarre square footprint, massive windows, and jellybean profile conspired to make a truly strange looking car.  At least it was unique.  Unsurprisingly AMC had some trouble shifting units, and an enterprising dealer had the sound marketing idea of taking it racing at Baja.  Unlike James Garner’s Oldsmobile, these were basically stock cars with big tires driven by men with bigger… manhood.  Never again will I think of Bohemian Rhapsody when seeing a Pacer.