Forbidden Fruit

**Note - This article was written Christmas 2013**

Every year something extraordinary happens.  Actually there are many extraordinary things that happen.  Diseases are cured, broken hearts mend, and new cars are sold all over the world that we can't have.  Science is responsible for the cures, time for the patched heart.  As far as cars we can't have, unfortunately it is down to profit.  It is true that the USA is the largest car market in the world, however, it is also the most expensive market to introduce a product into.  The potential profit of selling cars in the USA lies in stark contrast to the difficulty of selling them here in the first place.  Be it regulations, politics, or marketplace competition, something gets between us and some really neat cars.

Of late, tough times have befallen even the established brands.  In recent years Plymouth, Mercury, Pontiac, Oldsmobile, Saturn, Suzuki, and Saab have ceased to be.  Mazda and Mitsubishi are on their last legs.  The future is unclear for Jaguar, Range Rover, Aston Martin, and Lotus.  The market is becoming smaller, but the demand for vehicles grows.  Ford, BMW, and GM are taking over, offering less interesting cars.  It is true, there are some amazing new cars for sale in the US, like the BMW M cars or the EcoBoost Ford products, but the loss of marques and models results in fewer choices for the enthusiast.  There will never be a shortage of Chevrolet Silverados, but the Alfetta is long gone.

Strangely, while domestic brands are disappearing, a name missing for over twenty-five years is returning.  Fiat is back, with the 500.  A fine car, but hardly basis for rejoicing.  Luckily we get the Abarth version, which is a bit of a shocker.  We may yet have our chance to drive Pandas, Puntos, and Bravos since Chrysler is now owned by Fiat.  Plans are to replace many of the horrible Daimler vehicle designs with products from Fiat's catalog.  Alfa Romeos and Lancias will be offered alongside Fiats, albeit rebadged as Dodges and Chryslers.  While it remains to be seen how aggressively Fiat will bring Italian style and performance to America, at least we have some hope.  And anything is better than a Dodge Stratus.

The point is that there are many very desirable vehicles made all over the world right now that are not sold in the Untied States.  GM and Ford offer many cool cars in Europe and Japan that are not sold here.  Many are small, fuel efficient, fun to drive, attractive, rugged, sporty, or luxurious enough to be purchased by the American customer, but are not offered due to unforeseen obstacles.  It could be safety, tariff, or pollution regulations, internal competition with an existing product, the perception of the buying public, or union restrictions on vehicle production.  Simply designing and building a product that appeals to customers is not all it takes to sell cars.  Case in point, the Ford Focus.  While the first generation was a world car, meaning it was basically the same car everywhere, Europe got an updated version in 2005 while the we got new hubcaps.  The new European version was an award winning car, with accolades from the automotive press.  The performance models were especially admired, with powerful turbo engines and sophisticated drivelines.  Ironically the Volvo C30 coupe, which is for sale in the US, is based on the updated Focus.  Meanwhile, the domestic market Focus did not change for more than ten years.  I do not know why Ford made this decision, but it is an example of what happens regularly.  Cars are made by American companies in foreign markets that American consumers would probably like, at least as much or more than current offerings, but are not available for sale in the US.

So, what is a gearhead to do?  Take a trip overseas and bring home a large, shiny souvenir?  While it is not literally illegal to import a car that is not for sale in the US, it might as well be.  Any person can import and drive any car in the US by simply following the rules setup by the DOT and EPA.  Seems simple?  No.  Ten crash tests await your new car for DOT certification.  Then all signaling equipment must meet an arcane set of rules.  That means lights, signals, horn, bumpers, windows, seatbelts, air bags, even exhaust noise and interior controls must conform.   Once the vehicle is deemed physically safe, move on to EPA regulations.  Emissions produced by the vehicle engine, emissions from the fuel tank and lubrication systems, the type of materials used in the construction of the plastics, and the impact the vehicle will have on the planet once it has been recycled into Coke bottles and soup cans are all regulated.  It comes down to paperwork.  $5 million worth.

Clearly it is not practical to follow these rules, but it is impossible to ignore them.  Since we are dealing with government regulations, we should find the loopholes.  The first loophole is to not register the car at all.  Of course this means you can not use the car on public roads.  You could drive it on your own property, however.  I am not being obtuse, even the wealthiest man in America did just that.  In the 90's Bill Gates imported two Porsche 959's, with assurances from his legal team he would be able to drive them to lunch in Seattle.  The 959 was simply a fancy 911 to his lawyers.  Clearly he needed lawyers that understand the difference in a camshaft and a mine shaft.  After spending obscene sums of money trying to drive them legally, he finally gave up and simply applied asphalt his sizable portion of Washington state.  The roads he built were on his own property, so it was perfectly legal to operate his illegal cars.  He probably built a decent Starbucks in there as well.  It is still unclear if it is cheaper to make your own road or federalize a non-compliant car, but for Bill Gates, the road was easier than the car.

Auto companies do not intentionally create vehicles we want, then refuse to sell them here.  Every new car is a gamble, and if the gamble does not pan out, there are real problems.  Witness the Pontiac Aztec.  It was so bad it took down an entire division of GM.  But when signals are clear, companies move.  Nissan finally realized the potential profit of offering the Skyline GT-R for sale in the US, so now we have it.  But if you were intent on having an R32 Skyline GT-R, building your own road is your only legal choice.  Is there another possibility?  I suppose if you have a US market Nissan 240SX, which is very similar looking to the Skyline, its registration and tags could be used on the Skyline.  In other words, have two cars and one set of tags, switching the plates to whichever car you wanted to drive.  The legal term for this is fraud.  As long as you never get into an accident, get pulled over, go through a license check, or drive it around any gearheads, you will be fine.  Explaining to the nice officer why the steering wheel is on the wrong side won't be as difficult as justifying two extra cylinders, two turbochargers, all wheel drive, and a VIN plate written in crayon.  Nothing is illegal until you get caught.  Trouble with this plan is if you do get pinched, you loose your freedom for a very long time, and the Skyline is hastened into Coke bottles and soup cans.  Almost any other car, illegal alien, bird flu strain, or Chinese nuclear bomb would be easier to sneak into the country.  It turns out there are cars the authorities look for.  If a Skyline is imported, local police are notified, and any hanky-panky is severely frowned upon.  Imported Skylines are tracked like registered sex offenders.  Don't even think about taking a Skyline into a public park or around a schoolyard.

It is possible to import any new car into the US, just not practical.  So what are we to do?  Give up on the super cool Renault Twingo you have your heart set on?  Face the fact that you will never get to see how bad a modern Peugeot is?  Lament the absence of a cheap, beautiful, fragile Italian car in your life?  Simply put, no.  While it is basically impossible to import a safe, efficient modern car into the US, it is deceptively easy to import old, inefficient, leaky, dangerous cars made of uranium and baby seal fur.  DOT regulations apply to cars less than twenty years old, while EPA regulations apply to cars less than twenty-five years old.  As of January 1st 2013 the magic number is 1988.  You can import any car produced before 1988.  Import any car, truck, farm implement, mobile infantry troop transport, or army tank you want, and you drive away in your chosen vehicle legally.  How is this possible?  The logic of this rule is sound.  It seems somewhere in the halls of Washington DC, a politician realized the only people importing old cars were the car nuts out there.  There would be so few that it wouldn't make any difference in the grand scheme of things, so leave it be.  It is like Libertarians; we all know they exist, nobody besides Ron Paul cares.

So, just find foreign cars built before 1988, and you are free to import them legally.  However, turning the way back machine to 1988 brings up an interesting phenomenon.  Almost anything for sale all over the world was available in the US then.  Today you can't find any evidence of Peugeot, Citron, Lancia, or Alfa Romeo on American soil. In 1988, you would simply go to the store and buy one.  Not only that, but Ford imported the wonderful Sierra and Scorpio directly, selling them as unpronounceable Merkurs.  Toyota and Nissan offered almost every vehicle in the JDM catalog for sale here.  It wasn't until the economic downturn of the early 90's that the US vehicle marketplace started shedding nameplates like my dog sheds orange hair.  

Thinking of vehicles from 1988 not sold in the US, there is one truly special truck that is snared by our loophole, if that is possible.  In 1988 Land Rover introduced the Defender.  Granted, Land Rover imported a few hundred to the US in the late 90's, but they are necessarily rare and expensive because of that.  However, since it has been for sale all over the world for 30 years now, there are thousands available.  Everything from bare-bones military models to slightly less bare-bones civilian models.  Importing a decent, inexpensive foreign market Defender is quite easy.  A  used military model can be purchased directly from Her Majesty’s Army for $7,000.  Granted this is a small displacement Diesel with no luxuries, but it is a genuine Land Rover Defender.  Since it is such a good deal to import a Defender, this is another vehicle the authorities watch for.  It seems shops in England figured out this loophole, recondition clapped-out 'Rovers to new spec Defenders, and import them at a huge profit.  Ebay is full of them.  Trouble is, most of these vehicles stared out as simple versions with diesel engines.  Switching engines and interiors to make a US spec Defender is outside the limit of the regulations.  If you import a car that is exempt, it must be the car as it was produced, not a shell with modern internals, as the English importers were doing.  If it was done with a car the Feds weren't interested in, like a Jaguar, you would probably be fine.  But they are looking at Defenders closely.  It does not mean you are stuck with a black smoke billowing truck that is Army green and slower than a Prius.  You can simply pay a little more and import the Land Rover you want with a V8, a nice interior, and cool wheels as a fully stock, unmolested vehicle.  Or, get the Army one and don't change anything until it gets into your own garage.  Once successfully registered, you could do anything you wanted.  Engine swaps and upgrades to the interior that happen after importation are under the radar.  They are probably not strictly legal, but it is unclear to everybody if a crime has been committed, and nobody is interested in pursuing it.

An Asian SUV possibility would be the Nissan Patrol Y60.  A rugged, truck never offered for sale in the US.  The driveline is robust and powerful.   Most parts are easily supplied from your local Nissan store.  The Patrol is a very popular vehicle in all the same circles as the Land Rover Defender.  It is used by the military, police, fire, ambulance, and diplomat corps all over the world, so buying options run from luxury, to armored personnel carrier, to stripper radio platform.  Diesel models even get decent fuel mileage, considering the size of the vehicle.  Upgrades are easily found online, turning your capable SUV into an unstoppable SUV, if you intend to use the thing off road.

Another strong contender is the Mercedes Benz G Wagon.  Only recently officially imported to the US, an independent importer brought a few over in the early 2000's so very wealthy people have the opportunity to spend lewd piles of money.  Again, they are highly optioned, and obscenely expensive.  Luckily, the same basic vehicle has been built for thirty years.  As a result, Europe is full of them.  These models aren't as nice as a new one, but they are considerably more affordable, with smaller engines, less mass, fewer doors, and fewer luxuries.  They strongly resemble the Defender, they just don't break as easily, because they are built by fastidious Germans.  In Germany.

Something I haven't discussed is the possibility of importing an older classic.  Something from before 1988 that was never imported.  In the late 80's Range Rover began importing the famous luxo-truck into the US.  These were four door indulgence barges.  Everything was power operated, leather lined, or wood veneered. However, quality control is a phrase unknown to Anglo auto workers, so it would all break.  Think of a British automobile as a reverse kit car.  You start out with a whole, functioning vehicle, but over time it reduces itself to a pile of disparate components.  Usually while in motion, creating a delightful shower of debris for motorists following too closely.  The basic vehicle is fantastic, if all the fancy stuff wouldn't fail all the time.  Well, in the beginning Range Rovers were not intended to be luxury vehicles in the guise of the Jeep Wagoner.  They were simply a slightly more civilized car than the Series II (which became the Defender.)  Two doors, vinyl seats, rubber mats, simple interiors, manual controls, and durable (Buick designed V8) engines are how they stared out.  The major difference in the Series III and the Range Rover was coil spring suspension and V8 power.   Good ones are easy to find. These cars are as popular in England as a classic Bronco is in the US, so prices are a little higher. But that means you will either get a restored example, or you will do the restoration yourself, with plenty of resources to help you.  The early models were never imported, so it will be easy to find your car in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  It is a challenge finding one without some rust, luckily most body parts are made of aluminum, and replacement parts are easily accessible online.  Rugged, comfortable, simple, and beautiful.  That describes a perfect woman for me.  And the perfect truck, an early Range Rover.

If we are talking about older foreign cars, the fantastic Australian muscle cars jump to mind.  Some have familiar names and familiar styling, but are nothing like their American cousins.  The Holden Monaro, Ford Falcon, and Valiant Charger are all very fast, beautiful, and surprisingly well proportioned cars.  The muscle car era ended in America in the early 70's.  It never ended down under.  They resemble the domestic cars they are related to, but are necessarily more modern, slightly smaller, more muscular, and considerably lighter.  They have more sophisticated suspensions and better brakes, but contain the same small or big block power American muscle cars had.  While we were concerned with quarter mile times, they were racing in the corners as well as the straights.  A sorted Australian Falcon will run circles around a Mustang of the same vintage.  As long as the Mustang doesn't say “Shelby” anywhere on it.

Looking at Asian cars, it seems there is little reason to import anything.  Prior to 1988, every car in a Japanese showroom would be familiar to Americans.  Except for the tiny city cars and the large limousine models, we got them all.  We even got the non-turbo Skyline, it was disguised as an Infinity.  Posh Toyotas were sold here, rebadged as Lexus.  In order to find some really interesting Japanese cars it will take some history lessons.  The 1960's were a golden age for cars all over the world, including Japan.  The Isuzu 177 was designed by Giugiaro and featured twin cam power.  The Mazda Cosmo was a beautiful, lithe, rotary powered coupe with unique styling.  The Toyota 2000GT is one of the most stunning cars ever made.  The early Skylines are charming, powerful, and luxurious.  There is nothing unique about any 60's Asian car, besides the

Cosmo, possibly.  They were copies of successful European models for the most part.  But they still deserve consideration.  Even if we are not looking for a classic, a good deal can be found in Japan.  Vehicle ownership laws in are very strict, more so than in the US or Europe.  It is less expensive to replace your car in Japan than it is to keep an old car going.  The value of older cars falls drastically due to inspection requirements.  As a result, almost any used car from Japan will be in good shape and fairly priced.  There are hoops to jump through, some expense and frustration in that process, but there would be little required for a 1988 or earlier Mercedes, BMW, Jaguar, Range Rover, or Mazda when it reached you.  Japan represents a source of relatively inexpensive, very well maintained automobiles for importation, even if you are not importing a Japanese made car.

While it is true in 1988 we got the chance to buy more world cars than we currently do, the models we had were federalized.  The auto makers had gone through the process mentioned above to sell their cars here.  As a result, they had big bumpers, choked engines, and ancient lighting.  Almost any imported car was faster, lighter, and more attractive in its home market European trim.  The differences between Euro market cars and the same model American market cars can be substantial.  And now it is legal to import them.  You don't even have to import the whole car, simply import the engine, bumpers, and lights to replace the items on your ungainly American version.  It is perfectly legal, and not like the license plate switch I mentioned above for the GT-R.  Truly legal.  

If, like me, you want something different, not merely an improved version of a car for sale in America.  There are many choices.  We didn't get several BMW's.  Audi had a monster of a car in the UR Quattro S1.  There are quirky TVR's.  The Ford Sierra, including the Cosworth.  Crazy fast and luxurious Aston Martins.  And luxury barges from Jaguar, Rolls Royce, Bentley, and Mercedes Benz.  Most of these are more expensive than I want to admit, so there may be a better way.  Big or expensive cars are not necessarily what pops into your mind when one thinks of Paris.  Europe is known for small, fast, attractive hatchbacks.  

They are called “hot hatches” over there, and they are everywhere.  These cars are singly responsible for the death of Triumph and MG.  One such car is the Peugeot 205 GTI.  Designed by Giugiaro, it was more powerful, lighter, sticker, more reliable, and faster than the Golf GTI, which is hailed as the most important car of the post-war era.  Peugeot even based the Rally cars of the period on them, much like the Renault 5 Turbo, they had a mid engine configuration with turbo power.  While available, the race cars are too rough, too expensive, and too rare to seriously consider.  However, the regular GTI sold in the thousands so a good one is not hard to find.  They were, and are, cheap to buy and run.  It is said they are so fast that on a rough, narrow, twisting road nothing can keep up.  No Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche, or Bugatti could catch a 205 GTI in the right conditions.  They are charismatic, cheap, reliable, and practical.  Ironically, there is hardly a new Peugeot worth owning, but in the late 80's that was not the case.  Small cars were not popular in the United States when this car was new, so Peugeot did not offer it for sale here.  Now this crime can be reconciled.  With a modest budget a perfect one could be imported from Germany or England.  When it arrived on American soil, it would pass customs without a second look, and would quickly be terrorizing the bloated, overpriced, electronics laden behemoths it shares the road with.  It is more frugal than a Prius, more fun than fornication, and as cute as a bulldog puppy.  To paraphrase the old saying “it can pass anything on the road, including a gas station.”

There are several worthy choices here.  But, you shouldn't necessarily jump on the interweb to book a trip to England or Germany so that you can bring back your dream cars.  1989 was a great year in the car world, and the first year of dwindling European nameplates in the US, with several cars we didn't get.  You can't have those yet, and you will have to wait twelve more months to find out what new forbidden fruit you can pluck from the tree of deregulation.  

Until next Christmas my friends...