The Adorable Jeep

Many adjectives describe cars. As an automotive writer, I live in the land of hyperbole, it is the only thing that makes cars interesting. Without adjectives, most every car would be simply “adequate,” but some cars punch a nerve way down in the brain. One of the nerves left over from the time when mankind was not at the top of the food chain. Cars like the Lamborghini Countach revive the fight or flight senses long dormant in our psyche. It is at the same time menacing and beautiful. In fact, the word Countach is an expletive used to convey a sense of startled astonishment or wonder, sometimes with an undertone of slight concern. Its menacing yet beautiful nature is conveyed with the very name of the car.

Sports cars can be described with words like “cool,” or “mind blowing,” or “telegraphic” when no automobile is capable of operating without producing heat, is completely rooted in pedestrian mathematics which is the very opposite of mind blowing, and can not send a coded message down a copper wire. Automotive adjectives can personify a quality unrelated to the actual meaning of the word, rather they convey an idea about an object that is, lets face it, otherwise quite ordinary. The passion of an Alfa Romeo, the precision of a Lexus, the placidity of a Rolls Royce. Most cars can be described with a word that may not be truly representative of the car, but is generally accepted as accurate.

Jeeps can be described with many adjectives. Jeeps are rugged, capable, and unrefined. They are “trail rated,” equipped with roll bars, named after rivers in northern Italy, and have solid axles made by guys in New Jersey. However, my adjective list is inadequate, because there is now a new Jeep that is neither rugged or unrefined. The Jeep Renegade, a fitting name since it does not conform to any established ideas of a Jeep, is adorable. It is as different from a Wrangler as a hot dog is from a hound dog. The Renegade is based on the Fiat 500, and adorable car. The precious round headlights, the pinched vertical grille, the square tail lights with a big X in them, the silhouette of a WWII jeep screen printed on the wheels. Lovable as a pug puppy.

I'm not sure I want an adorable Jeep. I understand CAFE requirements, safety standards, and the need to produce products profitably. Even the Wrangler has softened over the years, literally. It somehow has power windows now. My Wrangler had somewhat transparent plastic and zippers. It also had a suspension that separated poorly executed dental work from your scull. Judging by the people I see in new Wranglers, that is not the case any more, but it is evidently still too much for many. Enter the adorable Jeep. “Surprisingly capable” is what the writers say about it. Surprising because it looks like a “Chevron Car,” unable to traverse a speed bump without breaking something expensive.

The Renegade is a product required by regulations, built for profitably, and wanted by consumers; which suits me fine. If people continue to buy cars like the Renegade, Jeep will be able to build more serous cars like the Wrangler Recon concept. Jeep is a part of Fiat now, and its products must necessarily be related to Fiats. At least we don't have to worry about the horrible Compass or Patriot (based on the Dodge Neon) any more.