The Unexpected

I appreciate the unexpected. Girls with green hair, or good vegetarian food, or an Audi not tailgating are all somewhat unexpected, but happen from time to time. Of course stepping in dog poo is also unexpected, but I have less appreciation for that. Many things in life are necessarily predictable. Hot water from the left tap, gas pumps that shut off automatically when the tank is full, and working WIFI at Starbucks are all things we can count on. The world would be a frightening, hostile place if, for instance, McDonalds ran out of french fries. Sometimes, though, it is refreshing to experience something different.

I especially like it when cars are unexpectedly neat some way. Like a Volvo Amazon wagon that is faster than a Ferrari, or a rat rod made from various parts, including old tractors and home appliances. In every case somebody has taken something mundane and changed it into something unique. It is usually at great financial peril to the craftsman, generally his investment will never have a return. This kind of thing it is hardly ever done for the ROI, however. Rare and original cars have fiscal value, common modified cars have none, usually because the people that like cars like this are able to build it themselves. Lifted jeeps, Cafe racer motorcycles, SR20 powered Nissan 240SX, or Honda hatches with monster VTEC motors spring immediately to mind. Nobody would buy a JDM swapped 240SX, but a decent original car with no modifications is almost impossible to find.

Those more common of uncommon vehicles are neat, and are easy enough to accomplish, considering it has all been done before and is well documented on the internet. I tend to look for the more unique projects. Cars where the accepted use of the vehicle has been changed. Lifted, off road all wheel drive Golfs, or Smart Cars with Hyabusa engines, or Volvo C303 motorhomes. Cars that make you question what is possible.

Lately, people have even taken to making even the rare, valuable cars into something more. Old Mustangs and Camaros with autocross quality suspension. Muscle cars that can also go 'round corners. Instead of reducing the value, these cars tend to sale for hundreds of thousands of dollars. That's six figures before the decimal. And I am not even going to talk about the Singer Porsche or Eagle Jaguars. That is in a whole other universe.

The point is that as we move away from the automotive age and cars become less interesting, people are starting to find interest in old or unique cars, and not just as an investment. There is a growing interest in cars that are inherently more attractive than new cars fitted with mechanicals that allow them to rival new car performance. It is not inexpensive or easy, but it sure makes the world more interesting.

Vacation

Looking at the accepted meanings of words can prove pointless. Noting something is cool, for instance, may have nothing to do with its thermal properties. In fact, many things are cool and hot at the same time. Stating that a certain motorcycle is bad is usually a complement. Everybody knows word connotations are in flux, often representing the inverse of the literal meaning of the word. But some words are inflexible. The words work and vacation fall into that category. Their meaning is not in question, and they are antonyms. Work is what you do to have food, clothing, and lodging. Vacation is what you do to get away from work for a while so that you can continue working. In fact, you must have permission from your work to take vacation. Otherwise it is known as quitting.

I enjoy my job as much as a person can. The task itself is engaging, the people I encounter are my friends, the benefits are adequate, and the pay is exceptional. I feel valued, and I contribute to the lives around me. Even though I don't mind the work I perform every day, every now and then I need a break. Sometimes I don't want to get in my service van and go fix a machine. I want to stay home and fix a machine.

It may seem counter-intuitive to want to perform the very same tasks on my vacation that I perform at my job, but that is exactly what I intend to do. Of course, I don't perform the same exact tasks. At my job I fix industrial robots. I do not have an industrial robot at home, but I have a car, and I find great pleasure in working on it.

My neighbors think I have an old car that is constantly broken, because I work on it from time to time. They walk over and ask what I am doing. Replacing ball joints, shocks, springs, bushings, CV boots, sway bar links, and undercoating was the answer last summer. Usually they just walk away with their hearts full of pity that I have to do this kind of thing myself. I try to explain that I enjoy doing this kind of thing, that I find great pleasure in maintaining and modifying my little old car, but I am unable to convince them.

I love the whole process of summer car maintenance. I plan the work, gather the materials, and make a schedule. This year it is going to be brake pads, new slotted and drilled rotors, cam belt, all fluids, and Plasti Dip.  Working on my car is the culmination of many hours of thought, research, and planning. It allows me to put into action things I have been thinking about. It is greatly fulfilling, and allows me to do the other things in life that are less enjoyable without stress.

Work as vacation. What's next? Eating vegetables because you like them, or choosing to exercise for fun? Crazier things have happened.

Defining the Undefinable

What makes something cool?  It seems easy to define, because we all know what cool is.  Steve Mcqueen was cool.  Ed Sullivan was not.  Between the two, Ed Sullivan made decisions that had an impact on every young person in the country, defining what was cool.  While Steve Mcqueen made a few good movies, he had neither the influence or the power to affect the masses as Ed Sullivan did.  But he was cool, and people tended to imitate him because of it.  

Personalities lend themselves to comparison, and some fall in the cool division.  Cars are the same way.  A Jeep Wrangler is cool, while a Ford Taurus is not.  Both are about the same money, and both will accomplish exactly the same thing most of the time.  The difference is that the Jeep allows us to imagine climbing a mountain to some wonderful vista, while the Taurus allows us to imagine what car we can get when this lease is up.  In real terms, the Taurus is better at everything a car does than the Jeep.  It is faster, more economical, considerably more comfortable, and friendlier to the environment than the Jeep.  Jeep owners buy Jeeps instead of vanilla sedans, not because they are good transportation, but because they are cool.

The same holds true for almost any uncomfortable, unreliable, expensive to maintain vehicle out there.  The Land Rover Defender, one of the worst forms of transportation ever devised, is so cool that people are willing to break the law in order to have one.  An old diesel Mercedes is not a stinky, slow, noisy, unrefined beast of a car, it is an eco-chick magnet.  Any Alfa Romeo is not a rats nest of electrical problems held together by cheap Russian steel, it is a passionate Italian automobile.

Not all terrible cars are cool, but almost all cool cars are terrible somehow.  Well designed, comfortable, economical cars represent compromise.  They are good at most things, while not excelling at anything.  That is not cool.  Jeeps and Land Rovers will never be used off road, but their owners pay for the unused capability without complaint.  Sports cars are not driven any faster than other cars, but they are loved by the people that have them.  Pickup trucks never haul anything, but they outsell cars by a magnitude of 5-1.  Simply making a car less good at being a car does not make it cool, but a vehicle that has some focus on a lifestyle can be cool.  Adventurous or powerful or sleek or even gizmo laden can be cool, while simply competent transportation is boring.

We can’t forget that cars are made by people, and we are creative.  Every now and then a decision is made to create a car that is less good at being a car, but a little better at being fast, or rugged, or just beautiful.  Thank goodness.

The Adorable Jeep

Many adjectives describe cars. As an automotive writer, I live in the land of hyperbole, it is the only thing that makes cars interesting. Without adjectives, most every car would be simply “adequate,” but some cars punch a nerve way down in the brain. One of the nerves left over from the time when mankind was not at the top of the food chain. Cars like the Lamborghini Countach revive the fight or flight senses long dormant in our psyche. It is at the same time menacing and beautiful. In fact, the word Countach is an expletive used to convey a sense of startled astonishment or wonder, sometimes with an undertone of slight concern. Its menacing yet beautiful nature is conveyed with the very name of the car.

Sports cars can be described with words like “cool,” or “mind blowing,” or “telegraphic” when no automobile is capable of operating without producing heat, is completely rooted in pedestrian mathematics which is the very opposite of mind blowing, and can not send a coded message down a copper wire. Automotive adjectives can personify a quality unrelated to the actual meaning of the word, rather they convey an idea about an object that is, lets face it, otherwise quite ordinary. The passion of an Alfa Romeo, the precision of a Lexus, the placidity of a Rolls Royce. Most cars can be described with a word that may not be truly representative of the car, but is generally accepted as accurate.

Jeeps can be described with many adjectives. Jeeps are rugged, capable, and unrefined. They are “trail rated,” equipped with roll bars, named after rivers in northern Italy, and have solid axles made by guys in New Jersey. However, my adjective list is inadequate, because there is now a new Jeep that is neither rugged or unrefined. The Jeep Renegade, a fitting name since it does not conform to any established ideas of a Jeep, is adorable. It is as different from a Wrangler as a hot dog is from a hound dog. The Renegade is based on the Fiat 500, and adorable car. The precious round headlights, the pinched vertical grille, the square tail lights with a big X in them, the silhouette of a WWII jeep screen printed on the wheels. Lovable as a pug puppy.

I'm not sure I want an adorable Jeep. I understand CAFE requirements, safety standards, and the need to produce products profitably. Even the Wrangler has softened over the years, literally. It somehow has power windows now. My Wrangler had somewhat transparent plastic and zippers. It also had a suspension that separated poorly executed dental work from your scull. Judging by the people I see in new Wranglers, that is not the case any more, but it is evidently still too much for many. Enter the adorable Jeep. “Surprisingly capable” is what the writers say about it. Surprising because it looks like a “Chevron Car,” unable to traverse a speed bump without breaking something expensive.

The Renegade is a product required by regulations, built for profitably, and wanted by consumers; which suits me fine. If people continue to buy cars like the Renegade, Jeep will be able to build more serous cars like the Wrangler Recon concept. Jeep is a part of Fiat now, and its products must necessarily be related to Fiats. At least we don't have to worry about the horrible Compass or Patriot (based on the Dodge Neon) any more.