Fortunetelling

I just realized a strange thing.  I have spent the last several years writing about cars, forcing the people I know to read these musings.  These early articles are what inspired me to start this blog.  I intend to publish these previous writings on this blog, and have been looking through them in an effort to determine if any light shines from the words.  As it turns out, my facts and figures are now wrong.

One article, written three years ago about what cars could be purchased for about the price of a new Camry, is now off the mark.  I stated you could find a Ferrari 348 for about $30,000.  I know you could, because I checked when writing the article.  Now there is NO Ferrari that can be purchased for anywhere around $30,000.  OK, possibly a Mondial, but that doesn't count.  Nobody wants to buy a Mondial.  The cheapest 348 I can find right now is about $50,000, they average about $65,000.

I stated you could get an Acura NSX for the same $30,000.  I found one for sale at $35,000, but it was not a nice car.  The average price is more like $50,000.  I had offered a Porsche 911 for Camry money.  While a 996 can be had for $15,000, every other 911 is much more expensive than any Camry.  No running air cooled 911 can be found for less than $40,000.  I finally came to the conclusion that a Lotus Esprit would be the best $30,000 car.  As it turns out, the Lotus has not skyrocketed like the other examples.  An Esprit SE can be found in the price range of a new Camry, but it is the worst possible Esprit.  And that is quite a statement, like finding the worst kind of country music, or the worst kind of cancer.

My premise was that a very neat car could be purchased for the same money people were comfortable spending on a vanilla sedan.  As it happens, that pool of cars has thinned to a puddle.  Why is the same car worth twice the money only three years later?  The only explanation I can offer is it seems the economy has recovered to the point that cheap supercars are disappearing.  People feel confident enough to spend money on things they didn't in 2012.  Had I followed my own advice, I could have reaped a $40,000 profit.  It doesn't make me feel as if I missed an opportunity, though.  I would have a very hard time buying a car as in investment.  I invest much more than money in a car.  I don't buy anything I don't really want, I connect with my cars, and I don't let them go easily.  My next car will be a 996 model Porsche 911.  With a car like that, I will never sell it, even though newer, faster, “better” 911's are made every day.  A few modifications and some maintenance and I have bonded with the car, like my little Honda.  I doubt I will ever sell my CR-V, to me it is irreplaceable.

I do not care what anybody thinks of my car, so spending money on a Ferrari because everybody knows it is a Ferrari, or because it may appreciate in value leave me cold.  I love a Ferrari because of its uniqueness, its purity of intention, its passion, and if I could pay for one I might consider the purchase.  I would buy one to drive it, and that would ruin its value.  And my checkbook, I'm sure.

A Case for the Slightly Ugly 911

What is wrong with the Porsche 996? It is a true supercar, with the ignition key on the left side of the dash like a LeMans racer, its tachometer is in the middle of the cluster, four pot brakes, a stiff, lightweight chassis, a horizontally opposed engine, a six speed stick, and a massive wing that folds into the rear decklid. I can’t find the flaw, but I must be wrong, because everybody else in the world hates it.

Porsche is known for making superb sports cars. Porsche has a successful factory backed racing program with forays into Formula One, endurance racing, and the WRC, and that technology translates directly to their production cars. Porsche invented the modern sports car with the 959, using all wheel drive and computers to bend the laws of physics. Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, and James Dean were Porsche guys. So how can this company, who has a fan base larger than Adel, create a product that is universally hated?

The reason the 996 is not loved is due to the way it was made. The company was in trouble in the early 90’s. The recession had weakened the company to the point of insolvency. Their products were universally lauded, but Porsche was hardly profitable. Even if Porsche had been able to make cars as easily as tacos, the market was changing. The United States, the largest car market in the world, had moved on from sports cars to sports utilities, which further depressed Porsche sales. In an attempt to remain in business, Porsche turned to Toyota, the worlds most stable auto maker, for advice.

The Boxster and 996 model 911 were the first products of the "new" Porsche.  As a result, Porsche guys saw the 996 as a Toyota, not special enough to be a 911, especially since it used the same front end as the less expensive Boxster. The 996 used the same suspension and transmission as the last air cooled 911, but had a new body, engine, and interior. Porsche guys liked their 911's because they could feel superior to every body else.  A Porsche guy could pilot a 911 without crashing it, but they could also turn on the radio or air conditioning or open the sunroof. All tasks which escape the ability of normal humans. The 996 made the 911 accessible to anybody that could write a check. And many checks were written. Without the Boxster, Cayenne, and 996, Porsche would be an interesting chapter in automotive history, not the most profitable car manufacturer in the world.

So why can I get a Porsche supercar for less money than the Pokemon on wheels known as the Chevrolet Spark? Because guys like me have been banging on for years that the 996 is ugly and unreliable. The truth is the car is as reliable as any other European car of the same vintage, and the headlights can be modified with a cheap set of headlight covers. Sure, it is not as attractive as a 1973 911RS, but not many things are, and owning an air cooled Porsche has left the realm of possibility for most enthusiasts. The 996 was popular enough, common enough, and had enough reliability issues that it has succumbed to depreciation.


The idea of daily driving a practical supercar is very appealing. I am sure that is why Porsche sold every one they could make back in the early 2000's. Purpose built supercars like the 911 or Ferrari F355 or Lamborghini Gallardo are necessarily different than regular cars. The focus is on performance, no matter what the cost. Most cars focus on the cost, no matter what the cost. The fact that I can consider owning a car like this is quite intoxicating. I would not suggest that just anybody buy a 996, they are more maintenance intensive than the Chevy Spark and if you are not able to perform some of the work yourself, any savings from buying cheap will quickly disappear in maintenance costs.

My plan would be to find a well maintained base 996, install the upgraded IMS bearing with a new clutch, check all valvetrain components and plastic engine parts, slap on a new set of shocks and brake pads, and of course cover those admittedly ugly headlights. With proper maintenance and upgrades, the 996 will last forever. They are high quality vehicles, no matter what the internet tells you. Not that I want the unimpressed scriveners out there to quit making fun of the 996, that just keeps them cheap for those of us that know better.

The Corvette Conundrum

The Chevrolet Corvette is America's sports car. That is to say it is the only American car that does not serve any purpose other than to go fast. The Corvette has always been fast, thanks in large part to its comparatively large engine. Even in the dark ages of the late 70's when GM managed to strangle the Small Block down to 165HP in an effort to comply with emission regulations, the Corvette was as fast as any proper sports car of the day. In fact, the recent ZR1 holds the tenth fastest lap time ever for a production car at the Nurburgring. Is the Corvette the best sports car in America? There are certainly many choices from other manufacturers, but nothing in its price range approaches the performance of the Corvette.

Simple logic pushes one to wonder why anybody would pay an arm, leg, kidney, spleen, and most of a lung for a 911 or GT-R or F-Type when all the performance could be had for the cost of only a few fingers and toes with a Corvette? The answer is simpler than I would like to admit. It comes down to the fact that a 911, GT-R or F-Type is a much better car than the Corvette. I can appreciate the clarity of intention a Corvette represents, but the fact remains that massive power, acceleration, and roadholding, exclusive of any refinement, do not a car make. Surgeons do not use sledgehammers.

GM's laser focus on cheap speed has created a car that is very hard to live with. Every now and then you just need to get to the drug store for some Preparation H, and the prospect of using a Corvette would make some of us suffer in silence. The transmission is usually an automatic with the reaction times of a glacier. If it is not an automatic, pulling the shifter from gear to gear is as satisfying as coitus interruptus. The interior is made of materials Mattel would be ashamed of. The seats are at the same time too soft to hold you in spirited driving, and too hard to be comfortable for a long trip. The body, made of the same plastic as a cheap laptop, buzzes, groans, rattles, and causes paint to crack. The Bose stereo, while loud enough to drown out the squeaks and jangles, has the same blue digital display your microwave had in 1993. The rear hatch will not shut with the windows up. The front and rear bumpers look good, but are made of a material closely related to linguine noodles. The Corvette is not even as nice to be in as a VW Golf. I am not saying the 911 or GT-R is perfect, but it doesn't embarrass you when it is your turn to drive the boss to lunch. The Corvette is never going to be as nice as a 911, but it could be as good as a Honda or Subaru. GM understands this, and as a result has stopped making the plastic fantastic Corvette.

Not to say GM's Bowling Green facility has fallen into a sink hole. The hills of Kentucky echo again with the song of a high strung Chevy small block. The Stingray has been resurrected. Sure, it is still a Corvette, but it shares nothing in common with recent Corvettes. To begin with, it is stunning. As attractive as an F-Type or 911 and considerably more fetching than the awkward looking GT-R. In fact, it compares favorably with Aston Martins and Maseratis. The interior is made of high quality materials, the unpleasant sheen of cheap plastic conspicuously absent. The standard seats are both supportive and comfortable, while the sports seats are simply unbelievable. The infotainment system is GT-R level. The rear hatch will close. The switchgear is not lifted directly from a cargo van. Refinement, a word never associated with Corvettes, is abundant in the new Stingray.

The Stingray is one of those rare cars that is both satisfying at rest and in motion. The only problem with the new Corvette is that every over tanned, gold chained empty nester with an old Corvette will want to talk to you about how wonderful your cars are. It is probably a good idea to just agree with him on your way out of the gas station.

It Begins:

Every great thing started somewhere.  Not to say this will be a great thing, in fact the only relation this thing has to any great thing is that it started here, today.  I have read, talked, thought, and occasionally written about cars my whole life.  This blog will be my automotive obsession public confession.  I may lionize the uninteresting and slight the significant in the automotive world in an attempt to express my thoughts.  I will misquote, misdirect, and certainly misspell in order to reveal my opinions in the hope that somebody may find it entertaining, informative, or at least not a complete waste of time.

Welcome to my madness.